INT Thai Restaurant, afternoon. Adelaide.
LILI, MUM and GRANDMA are putting out place-cards at the table. A WAITRESS is doing something with prawn crackers.
We can’t put Barbara and Ley on that side of the
table, because they won’t be able to get out with
But if we put them there, then Auntie Peg won’t be
able to talk to Mary.
But if Peg is there, then she’ll have to sit next to
Dennis, and she won’t like that.
I don’t have a grandma.
If Mum and I are round there, we’ll have to clamber
over everyone to get out and make our speech
and run the slideshow.
But if Kat and Brian are there, they won’t be able
to go outside to smoke.
My grandma is in Cambodia. I never met her.
Put us on the end.
Make sure you’re next to your Dad, Carole.
Wouldn’t it be better if you were next to me?
Because you talk so much, and you’re stuck in the
corner. Dad never talks to anyone, and he’s in
So why don’t we move them over there?
You’re so lucky to have a grandma.
No, because we can’t move Barbara and Ley.
It can’t be done.
The WAITRESS starts to cry.
So let’s just swap you and Dad.
But then it won’t be gender-balanced! For the love
of God, it has to be boy-girl!
SILENCE, except for the choking sobs of the WAITRESS.