This is Lili's OLD WEBSITE! Go to for the shiny, better, more up-to-date, awesome version.

31 March 2008

Diamond Wedding Anniversary

INT Thai Restaurant, afternoon. Adelaide.

LILI, MUM and GRANDMA are putting out place-cards at the table. A WAITRESS is doing something with prawn crackers.


We can’t put Barbara and Ley on that side of the 

table, because they won’t be able to get out with

 their walking-sticks.


But if we put them there, then Auntie Peg won’t be 

able to talk to Mary.


But if Peg is there, then she’ll have to sit next to 

Dennis, and she won’t like that.


I don’t have a grandma.


If Mum and I are round there, we’ll have to clamber

 over everyone to get out and make our speech 

and run the slideshow.


But if Kat and Brian are there, they won’t be able 

to go outside to smoke.




My grandma is in Cambodia. I never met her.


Put us on the end.


Make sure you’re next to your Dad, Carole.


Wouldn’t it be better if you were next to me?




Because you talk so much, and you’re stuck in the 

corner. Dad never talks to anyone, and he’s in 

the middle.


So why don’t we move them over there?


You’re so lucky to have a grandma.


No, because we can’t move Barbara and Ley. 

It can’t be done.

The WAITRESS starts to cry.


So let’s just swap you and Dad.


But then it won’t be gender-balanced! For the love 

of Godit has to be boy-girl!

SILENCE, except for the choking sobs of the WAITRESS.

26 March 2008


I'm not much of a fan. Oh, I like Aussie YA poets like Steven Herrick, alicia sometimes and Adam Ford. Sharon Creech's Love that Dog is one of my all-time-favourite books. I like e.e. cummings and Lewis Carroll and Walt Whitman and that guy who wrote the poem about eating all the plums. I can even recite all of The Lady of Shalott, and know that it's 'clothe the wold and meet the sky', not 'clothe the world and meet the sky'.

But I don't really like poetry. Mostly because of the way it's abused. In fact, the only way I would ever read a book about poetry, is if I found an audiobook about it read by Stephen Fry. Which I did, and so I am.

Fry points out the problem with poetry, using another highly-structured art form as an example. Music, he says, (and I paraphrase because I was on the train and couldn't write it down) may provoke an intense emotional response in the listener. But an intense emotional response is not enough to make music.

You don't come home from a crappy day when your boyfriend got runover and your cat ran off with a supermodel and think - I'm going to write an emo symphony about how nobody ever really loved me. You need to have some sort of learned skill that involves reading music or playing chords on a guitar or knowing what a 3/4 time signature is.

So it's not that all poetry is crap. It's that most poetry is crap. Your average amateur poet thinks that because poetry is constructed out of language, and language is something they have a grasp on - they can do it. Most of the time they are wrong.

This is the same kind of logic that made Heather Mills say that she thinks she'd be good at writing children's books because she has a daughter.

In other news, I'm planning a new career as an entymologist, because there are moths in my pantry so clearly I'd kick arse.

25 March 2008


things might look a bit weird for the next few days. i'm getting me a website!

19 March 2008

Five Awesome Things

Yesterday there was an unpleasant incident involving a very large dead possum, and a picket fence gate. It also involved me, some rubber gloves, a garbage bag, and the knowledge that I will never be the same.

But after having had multiple showers, I'm feeling much better about the whole thing, and am ready to focus on the good things in life, namely:

1. The Baby Formally Known As Figgy.
2. Cool Changes.
3. Long Weekends.
4. Hot Cross Buns.
5. YouTube (thanks, B!)

13 March 2008

iPod shame

Today, for the first time ever, I experienced iPod shame.

Now, I'm generally quite proud to have some unusual things on my iPod. I have a large collection of songs from Sesame Street, for instance, that I treasure*. I'm even willing to admit I have a couple of George Michael songs on there.

But recently I've been delving back into the 90s. Why? Good question. It's certainly not because it was an era of musical genius, that's for sure. The reason is because I'm writing a book that contains elements of autobiography, so I'm trying to remember what it was like being 16 year old Lili. This process has also involved reading lots of old diaries and letters (the POETRY! save me from the POETRY!!!), and watching TV shows like this on DVD.

So I managed to get my hands on some Top 40 hits like this one. And this one. And this one. Oh, and this one.

So this morning I was sitting on the bus. Listening to my iPod. And a new song came on. And I looked down at my iPod, and saw this. And I quickly turned it over to hide the screen, because I Had A Shame. Please don't judge me.

Oh, and just to make you feel old: that baby, on the cover of the Nirvana album up there? His name is Spencer Elden. He's 17 now. Doing his final year of high school in LA.

*Who wouldn't want Steve Tyler singing I Love Trash? Come on, people.

12 March 2008

The Crafty Wench Strikes Again

A cosy flowery scarf for winter... Pattern here.
A not-turtle* for Not A Turtle's Birthday. Pattern here.

And some elfin boots for baby Figgy. Pattern here.
*because it's a tortoise.

07 March 2008

Well done, sister suffragette!

Today is International Women's Day.

It's also the Centenary of Women's Suffrage in Victoria.

New Zealand came first with the whole women-voting thing, in 1893, followed by South Australia in 1902.

In Victoria, the issue was kicked off in 1891 when Premier James Munro said that he'd introduce a bill for Women's suffrage if ordinary women demonstrated they wanted the right. They did. They created the Monster Petition, with 30 000 signatures, in six weeks. The petition was 260 metres long, and several attendants were needed to carry it into Parliament. For some strange reason it took 19 bills and 17 years to actually give women the voting stamp of approval, but that's what happens when all the politicians are men.

The UK gave women the vote in 1918, but it had restrictions until 1928.

The US did it in 1920.

Italy gave women the nod in 1948, as did Belgium, Israel, Iraq and South Korea.

Switzerland didn't have women's suffrage until 1971, nor Lichtenstein, until 1984.

The most recent nation to grant their women the right to vote was the United Arab Emirates. There are still restrictions, which will be lifted by 2010.

We've come a long way, but while you're munching on your purple-iced cupcake and admiring your fancy new blue stockings, spare a thought for the women in the world who are still disenfranchised.

04 March 2008

A Short Comprehension Test

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Billionaire Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling would feel "exploited" if a fan's unofficial encyclopedic companion to the boy wizard series was published, she said in court papers made public on Thursday.

Who's side is Reuters on, the billionaire, or the fan? Explain your answer. (full article here)

03 March 2008


I have worked here for five years. How very un-Gen Y of me.